Making the Most of My Situation

I am pretty exhausted. The Girl does not like going to school, and she is hot and cold where nursing is concerned. Today, for example, she has refused to nurse for every feeding. I wonder, is it because she doesn’t like my milk? Am I not producing enough for her? Am I pregnant? I can’t know for sure, so I am stuck with my wonderings.
Yesterday was a down day. I did not want to be at school. I was sick of nursing in bathroom stalls with the horrible smells that accompany public bathrooms. I was tired of pushing a stroller around. Finally, my feet hurt. Not the regular tired feel of walking around pain, but the kind of pain associated with blisters. Blisters on my heels and a new one forming on the inside of my foot. My thoughts were consumed with how much pain I was in and how I still had to walk everywhere. I was angry. Angry at B. and angry at having to go to school.
Today, I can objectively look over what happened yesterday. It was rough, but I was able to go home and kick off the painful shoes. Plus, I went to a delicious dinner with my hubby and beautiful baby. I am lucky. The weekends help rejuvenate my exhausted bones. By Monday I am all ready to begin again. Inevitably, by Friday I am done. Heart, soul, and body.
I am watching the Girl roll around on the floor, enjoying all her favorite toys. She is so happy. She loves the weekend as much as I do. That does not mean I hate the week, it is just that during the week I am consumed by all my homework and other things.
When I feel down I remember that I am very lucky to go to school. I am lucky to bring the Girl with me. I am lucky to have supportive and brilliant husband. I am lucky.
I feel very ready to be a stay-at-home mom. I want to be home cooking, cleaning, and taking care of my baby. I want to start baking bread and other delicious meals. I want to have play dates with other friends.
This time will come. For right now, I am happy. I am thrilled with the excellent grades I have. I enjoy the coursework. I love life.
For now, I can enjoy looking at a clean sink with the sense of accomplishment that accompanies getting house chores completed.

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