My Fear Has Been Relinquished

I brought home this beautiful little boy with a certain amount of trepidation. How would the Queen react to a new brother? How would I handle two babies? Would I be able to divide my time without neglecting either child? Would the Queen grow to resent her brother?

As the week progressed, my fears gradually decreased. After my mother left, they resurfaced again. Until Sunday. As I read the scriptures and meditated, I was filled with an undeniable calmness. I could and would rise magnificently to my calling as a mother, with the Lord’s help. Trusting in Him would provide me with the answers I sought. With this insight and strength, I looked forward to the new week.

It was, surprisingly, not as difficult as I first imagined. Perhaps because I am a more experienced mother, or perhaps because Manly is very even tempered, I felt very much at ease with two babies. The Queen was not angry or upset with me holding Manly. Since I am not pregnant anymore, I could get on the floor with her and play games. She would sit on the couch and read with me.

Another silent fear was quickly dissipated. I am absolutely in love with my little son. I bathe his face with kisses and tears of joy daily. I love to hold and comfort him when he cries (which is very little). I have no problem sharing my love with both my children. I love them equally, yet uniquely. I happily express how grateful I am to have these two angels in prayers and in conversations with my husband.

Of course, I still have to get used to having a newborn again. While he does not keep me up at night with crying, he does wake up every 2-3 hours to eat. He also prefers that I hold him during the day. Not too hard to comply with that wish. This week has been rather difficult because he has been under the Bili lights. Oh the Bili lights. I shall write about them later.

One particular experience might make you experienced mothers smile. Manly woke up crying in the middle of the night. After I had fed him, his sister decided to wake up. She was not in the mood for us to quickly comfort her and put her back into bed. Nope. She wanted something that we were not sure of. We tried, oh we tried so many things but nothing seemed to help. Finally, we were both at our wit’s end. We put her back in her crib and let her cry. Within a few minutes she was back asleep. I looked over at my husband (note: we had been sleeping in the living room because of the Bili lights, thus he was on the other couch) and with a smile in my voice reminded him of the times before we had children. Neither of us can deny, however, the pure joy we feel whenever we look at our dearest children. We both would love to have many, many more.

Manly is now 11 days old. I have managed to take care of him and his sister with some success. His sister’s reception of him was very much as we hoped and anticipated: she loved him almost from the beginning. I love my life.

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5 Comments

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5 responses to “My Fear Has Been Relinquished

  1. Sarah

    "I love my life."Oh the sweetness. And a very big congratulations! Do I see redheads in your family? I swear that's red hair.I love your middle of the night story. It's something no parenting book teaches you: what to do when two (or more) kids wake in the night at the same time. Or, what to do to keep kid 2 from waking kid 2. Oh the anxiety.My, only 11 days old. My oh my oh my. I know you will enjoy that little bundle. And you will enjoy watching the different relationships within your home bloom as he gets bigger every day.

  2. Yvonne

    Nothing better than "I love my life"–that says it all.Such a sweet post. This is a wonderful time in your life–enjoy each and every moment. Most of the memories will forever be etched in your heart. I'm so glad you are recording them.

  3. Johnson

    Sarah: Yes, you do see red hair! Isn't that wonderful!! I already know your partiality to that trait. I am so excited to see what life will continue to bring to our little family.Yvonne: Thank you! I am trying my best to record the memories. Even those that I am not all that fond of at the moment. Really, life is so short!

  4. Ambrosia

    So, the name is supposed to be Ambrosia. I guess I am signed in under my husband's name : ).

  5. Charlotte

    I'm glad you and your daughter are making it through the transition without too much trouble. And thanks for reminding me to enjoy my full night's sleep tonight. I've pulled many a double child wakeup nights.