Tired of Being a Mother

Last night I was frustrated. I told Mr. B that sometimes I am tired of being a mom. Let me set the scene for you.

It was 1:30 am. I was exhuasted, Mr. B was exhausted, and both of our children were screaming. I understood Manly’s cries, he was hungry, tired, and in need of a diaper change. The Queen’s cries I did not understand. First off, she wasn’t really crying. It would be more accurate to call it wildly screaming. The kind that makes a parent cringe and want to run for cover. We had tried everything, and, well, nothing was working.

That evening we had decided to attend a basketball game. While very fun, it threw off my whole evening schedule. The dishes had yet to be done and the living room was a disaster. I wasn’t too worried. When we came home, I gleefully put the Queen to bed. I was sure I could finally get some things done. Manly thought this idea was unacceptable. (So did the Queen. She did, thankfully,  give me a couple hours before she decided enough was enough.) I spent the rest of the evening rocking him and reading blogs (even though I haven’t commented, know that I have been reading!!).

By the time Mr. B wearily walked up the steps, I was a frazzled mess. The Queen was awake, Manly was awake, and the house looked like a tornado had passed through.

Unbeknownst to my love,  tears had already clouded my eyes. I was ready to throw in the towel. I just needed him to hug me and give me some time to release my pent-up frustrations.

But, once again, my plans were foiled. Children needed our attention. So, I told him that I was tired of being a mother and never got around to explaining myself.

While I am happy being a mom (really, I am!), I have days filled with angst. Times when I feel distressed, when all I want is a break. Unfortunately, our situation does not afford me “break” times. Mr. B needs to focus on school, and I need to support him. He doesn’t have the time to relieve me. If I want my time, I must arise at the ungodly hour of 5 am. And, let’s face it, I have a 2-month old and a 17-month old. I have nights when I finally plop into bed at 2 or 2:30. Waking up at 5 is not going to happen.

I try and make a balance. I take my children out to visit friends. Yet, these visits are often full of more stress. If the Queen is hungry and/or tired, she will be grumpy. She will whine and whine while I try and have sane conversations with my friends. It does not always work. Usually after 30 minutes, I am ready to go.

It is these days that I seem the most disgruntled. Deep inside I am really drowning. I do not usually let Mr. B see my tears. I know how silly this is because I will hide the tears yet show the anger.  After his 1 hour dinner time, he says good-bye. I both want him to stay and comfort me and also desire that he leave me to my emotions.

He really has no choice, he must leave. Once the door closes, I allow the tears to flow.

Maybe I am not so much tired of being a mom, but tired of bearing the sole responsibility of our household.

As for last night? The dishes never were done. The living room was not cleaned. And, I was not given the time I so craved.

This morning I awoke with a painful awareness of my sorrow. The lump in my throat threatened to suffocate. Despite this, I had to continue. I have responsibilities (hint: busy calling).

This will give you an accurate representation why my writing has been less than ideal. I rarely have a chance to sit down and write. I am given 30 minute time periods. I must type and hit “publish.” Although, I know you, my dear readers, do not care as much as I think you do.

And now I am at the end of this page. I have written all that is in my heart at this time. I don’t have the energy, or the time (Manly is screaming) to edit it, or come up with some wonderful ending that tells you how I have conquered this challenge. In reality, there is no ending. I am still conquering. It is a daily struggle, one that I only win occasionally.

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23 Comments

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23 responses to “Tired of Being a Mother

  1. I clicked reply in the e-mail and it says the page doesn’t exist. I came on here and clicked the “…” and it wasn’t actually a link. Maybe it’s my computer. I don’t know.

    I wanted to just say that although kids grow up and get older, the amount of time we spend caring for them does not diminish. It never does. The only things that change are the types of tasks we accomplish. With teens, I provide rides, give money, drop offs at the mall, repair damage done to knees and elbows from skateboarding incidents, continue to make meals and try to prepare foods that allow for a balanced diet, attend sport events, talk with teachers although I now homeschool. Teens experiment with alcohol, maybe even fall prey to some peer pressure and try drugs. All of which us Mom’s need to deal with in our own way.

    Good for you! You manage your household, even if it isn’t clean and organized all the time. Honestly I think that’s just a facade that people want us to believe. I never believed it. Good for you for being strong for your husband. That really does matter.

    At the end of it all, wherever that is, (I’m not sure an end to it exists), no matter what happens, that you take even a few minutes for yourself, to blog, to cry, whatever it may be, you just keep on taking those moments, small and short as they always will be, and do as the name of your blog indicates. Make the moments count because they are just that. Moments. 🙂

    • One more thing, when I do my cry, which I do occasionally since I’m still unemployed, living off unemployment, looking for work and trying to do the best for my teens with little to no money or husband or child support…. I do mine in the shower which thankfully I can now easily get one without worrying about what dangers may await unattended babes or without waiting for naptime. 🙂 That’s MY time. 🙂 That and when I go to bed at night.

    • Thank you, Deena. You have reminded me that I need to make my moments count. That is, after all, the purpose of this blog, no?

      You are right. As your kids get older, the anxieties are still present. They just change.

      Your sweet words really made me smile and think. I appreciate that you commented. I needed to hear what you said.

      • I’m happy to help in some small way. 🙂 I really like to read all the posts from other Mom’s because it helps us all to realize one very important thing “We are normal” with all our perceived faults and limits. We all have them and it’s all normal. 🙂

        I made a list on paper of all my accomplishments and then all my perceived failures and you know what? My list of accomplishments is a LOT longer and it will be for any woman who has EVER been a Mom!

        Some of us are just to hard on ourselves and I soooooo appreciate reading all these blogs!

        (hugs)

  2. My sweet friend,

    I am drowning too. I’d love to send you a pony on a boat, but all I have to offer are words. You have a lot on your plate, so I encourage you to not be guilty about leaving the real ones soaking in the kitchen. You are a very good mother. You are. Honest.

    • Thank you, Kitch. You are right, as always. It really is okay to leave dishes in the sink. As long as they don’t interfere with eating, right?

  3. I know you know this, but I’ll say it anyway: what your kids need is the best you that you can give them. And that is what you give them every day. Some days that might look like an Amber who has her act together; other days that is a mom who’s crying herself while wiping away their tears. They are lucky to have a mother who wants to be everything for them, but I really believe that they feel blessed to have whatever you give, whenever you give it.

    • I am so glad for what you said. Yes, I may know it but I definitely need to be reminded of it. Constantly.

      I don’t think I know what a day looks like where I seem to have my act together. : )

  4. This may not be what you need or something you’re willing to do, but sometimes I had to take break time despite the kids crying. Try to remember that this time of constant crying is temporary, even though at the time it seems to have no beginning or end.

  5. Sometimes it just sucks. It all sucks. They’re screaming; they’re babies. It’s what they do. You’re beat. You’re alone. And it sucks.

    Dishes? Laundry? Honestly? Will the world come to an end if it sits for a day? No.

    Some days are harder than others. We’re all glad you can just put it here – the frustration and the fatigue – and know we all know exactly what it feels like. And it sucks.

  6. What do I adore about you? That you can admit to saying you’re tired of being a mother sometimes. Of course you are and who hasn’t felt that with the inanity of looking at a clock with some crazy middle of the night time on it, two screaming children, chores that are undone, and knowing that tomorrow might not be any different.

    But it will, Amber. Piece by piece it will. And until then we will link all our virtual hands across the Internet and give you fleeting moments of rescue. I know, because that’s what you do for me.

    • I was talking with my mom yesterday because she was a bit worried about me. (I wonder why?) I told her that I needed to write and be honest. There are so many moms out there who can relate, who are looking for some help themselves. I am hoping that by providing a look at both the hard and good aspects of motherhood, they can see the real side of parenting. Thank you for confirming my thinking!

  7. Nicki

    You are doing what is needed to be done. I call my house lived in, not clean. It is not dirty but it is not clean either. Lived in means that the entire family has lives – Queen, Manly, Mr. B and YOU!

    You give and give. Occasionally, either through tears or words or an early period of quiet, you need to replenish the tank that all that giving comes from.

    And, Deena is right. The worries and caring will continue forever – just evolving as the children grow.

  8. I’m too weary at the moment to offer advice (looong day) so I’ll offer love instead. ~hugs~ You will be so glad someday (and likely someday soon the way you’re growing) that you wrote all this down. When life is sane again, and I promise you it will be, having these words recorded will gladden your heart. You’ll see how far you’ve come. You’ve already come so far just through writing these feelings out and making sense of them.

    • Darling, I am well aware of your weariness. If you want to help me please continue writing. I feel so connected to your words. I would like to return your cyber hug with one of my own. ~hugs~

  9. Di

    This is a beautiful post, straight from the heart to all the other mothers out there. We all hear you, and are nodding our heads, yep, we know that feeling.

    I think loneliness is a big problem for mothers who are in the role of main carer. The responsibility, the constancy of being there for our kids, has all of us right up at our threshold for tolerance sometimes… …sometimes a lot of the time. And the fact that other people around us – our partners / friends / siblings – get to spend hours every day being responsible just for themselves, can really seem “unfair”, and leave us feeling “abandoned”, even though the clever woman in us knows we’re not.

    When I was a young mum like you, and we were making do on very little, I used to idealise the TV show “The Waltons”, and dream of having that kind of multi-generational family, that sense of community. I stayed with my mother-in-law for a couple of months when No.1 and No.2 were very young, and loved that time – she was still a busy mother herself, with 4 of her 6 boys still living at home, but sharing that volume of work and responsibility between two women was not only easier, but also a really affirming experience.

    I think it’s easier to work hard physically than it is to spend a day caring for little kids. It’s just hard. I can’t think of any ways to make it easier, especially during the winter months, when the great outdoors can’t be your escape. I do have one suggestion about the housework, though (you have my permission to flick me with the teatowel for being so bold) – I find if I do a chore the moment it enters my head, it’s done before I’ve had time to debate when to do it. It’s the idea of all these chores waiting that seems to weigh me down with its impossibility, more than all the chores combined.

    Anyway, much love to your little family, and thanks for sharing.

    • Sometimes I must write those raw feelings. It is what is in my heart and my heart refuses to write anything else.

      I have felt so much of my loneliness dissipate because of my blog friends (like you). Your constant support and comments encourage me to continue down my somewhat lonely road.

      As for your tip, I think it is a fabulous idea! I will try it. (I am open to any suggestions. Seriously, something has to change around here.)

  10. I’m sorry I didn’t get online earlier than now to give you my cyber hug. I’m happy you are in such a better place today (based on your latest post). I simply cannot imagine having on my plate what you have on yours. Having two little babies who are both in stages that need, need, need and a husband who is working so hard in his world that he can’t be as helpful in yours right now. Just know that things will get easier. Your kids will become more self sufficient. You will get more sleep. Your husband will finish school (as far away as that must seem right now). You’re allowed days of despair. And you’re right, your hard days make the easier ones that much better.

    You’re a wonderful mommy. A giving mommy. Even on the days that you don’t want to be a mommy. xo

    • There is no such thing as tardiness on my blog. Your words are as much needed now as they were yesterday.

      It sounds like you have a busy life to, dear. If I am correct, your husband doesn’t arrive home until after the kids are asleep.

      I hope that I can share these thoughts with my kids when they are older and discouraged. I hope they will find strength in my difficulties. It is a part of life, no?

  11. It’s okay to be tired of being a mother. If you weren’t ever tired, it would be because you’re hopped up on meth or just not doing enough.

    Your writing isn’t suffering (to put your mind at ease) – it’s like drinking pure mineral water at the tap. You don’t know what real water tastes like until you go to the source, you know.

    Just as you don’t know what true motherhood is like until you’ve become the source.

    From one source to another, here’s to unadulterated motherhood at two am.

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  13. Gina

    Tired of being a mom…this is a topic that is so taboo that we rarely talk about it. I’m pissed off that you think it’s OK for your hubby to just leave the house and leave you with all of it. I don’t care that he is in school. They are his kids too. My guy was working and in grad school when our daughter was born. HE got up at 5AM so I could sleep an extra hour because I had been up at 3AM nursing. Why do we let them off the hook!