Depression. I have survived. I am here to tell you it is horrible, something that leaves your spirit bare.
This past week I have been feeling down. Down and angry. I have expressed rage that I cannot understand. In the midst of these temper tantrums (I guess we never really move away from tantrums, do we?), I will begin to cry uncontrollably.
What is wrong with me? I often asked myself. Why am I so crazy?
I thought and thought, and finally realized: depression.
Before I went and confessed all to my doctor, I decided to wait a few more days. I am glad I did.
After a couple days and a big blow-up, my husband sat me down for a talk. In the course of his talk he made me realize how much I was hurting him. He and I are both working extra hard. He at school, me at home. There really is no inequity in the diversification of our roles. However, I was sitting in a cess pool of pity. My anger and hurt were eating away all the compassion I once felt. He, on the other hand, was struggling to maintain a healthy balance between family and work in order to keep our family thriving.
I decided that I need to take a moment for myself. The next day I went to the temple. After some much needed alone time, I recognized my problem: I was not depressed, I was hormonal.
Have you ever been around a lady who goes crazy during “that time of the month?” Well, I am that lady. When my hormones are imbalanced in any way, I become a, well something that rhymes with “witch.”
What scares me about this whole scenario is that if I had gone to my doctor he would have inevitably prescribed some form of SSRI. I would have started taking medication that would only solve part of the problem.
“mental illness is culturally determined, and that big drug companies have systematically worked to change the way other cultures view melancholy, for example, in order to sell them anti-depressant medications.”
While, as Bruce infers, this viewpoint may be a bit extreme, it does make me wonder: how much do doctors consider a holistic approach to depression and other mental health issues?
My dear Mr. B is considering becoming a Psychiatrist. He and I have had many discourses about the importance of holistic medicine, an approach that looks at a person’s life style to determine if any changes could alter the depression.
In my case, the form of birth control I chose has altered my emotional state. I should have recognized it immediately but I was so focused on depression that I failed to look at other options.