I was glancing through my blog stats, smiling over the Google searches that landed some unsuspecting soul into my blogging world, when I saw a phrase that caught my breath: tired of being a mother.
I was instantly transported back to the day I wrote that post.
Motherhood, for me, is like a roller coaster. Once I have begun that thrilling ride down the ramp, opened my eyes, lifted my arms confidently, I reach the bottom and look up, terrified by the apex of the roller coaster.
I had reached the bottom that day. I felt deflated. Unsure of where to go, who to turn to, and how to handle the cries of my babies. I did the one thing I knew would bring relief: I wrote. I described the emotions tearing apart my sanity. I, unknowingly, cried out for help. And I found comfort.
I have been sailing down the ramp these past few weeks, feeling confident in my mothering abilities. Yet, that day has hovered around my consciousness. Reminding me that I will inevitably feel its tortuous bond, cutting deep into my psyche, leaving me to limp slowly around my apartment, unaware of my babies’ needs.
Today, though, I look around my messy apartment. Frowning that I picked it up just yesterday and smiling at the proof entropy’s existence. Irritated that I put Manly down for a nap, only to have him wake up moments later, ticked at me for putting him down rather than holding him. Glad that the Queen is happily engaged in “reading” her favorite story book.
Negative emotions, positive emotions, each coming and going.
Reminding me that I am human, that I am alive, that I am blessed.
To that lady who is tired of being a mother, I promise that it will pass. Find a friend (or a dozen!), shed a few (or a hundred) tears, and take a nap. Forget the messes for a day or two. Listen to your child giggle. Take a picture of your child’s eyes. Snuggle, snuggle, snuggle.
It may take a few days to recuperate from a dark day, but know that the sun will greet you, wipe your tears away with it’s rays, and hug you tight with its warmth. A community of wonderful mothers (and fathers) can be found on-line. I know because I have found them.
The dreary days stand as a stark contrast to the cheery days. A contrast that I welcome.