Just Call Me Dr. Ferber

In case you are wondering, I am doing fabulous, the pain is gone and I am sleeping much better.  Really, though, you guys rock.  Your comments made me laugh.

My new laptop arrived yesterday with all its, uh, refurbished glory.  It is speedy and oh-so-wonderful.  I think it will solve all my time problems.  Okay, maybe not all of them. Everything that the laptop does not solve will be resolved by three words: crying it out. There is a certain member in our household who keeps me up at night with his crazy sleep habits.  My husband.

When he is under duress, or just plain tired, he tends to sleep rather poorly.  This, in turn, means that I sleep even worse.  Take a few nights ago.  We went to bed at a decent hour (around 10),  talked for a few minutes, and fell asleep.  A few hours following, he was up and moving–first, he checked his e-mail, next he ate a snack, and finally he curled up on the couch, the position I found him in an hour later.  If that wasn’t enough, when he was back in bed he was constantly moving and jumping up to check his alarm clock.  And then, when it was time, his alarm clock started buzzing.  And buzzing.  And buzzing.  Until he decides to get up an hour after his set time.

After struggling through this for most of our married life, I have decided to use Dr. Ferber’s advice with a few of my own alterations.

First, I am going to lock Ben in our room and sleep on the couch.  Next, when starts to jiggle the door knob, I will turn on my mini iPod.  Finally, I will be persistent and continue with my vigil until he sleeps through the night.  See? Easy peasy.

Since I am so sure that this will be a success, I have already started my book.  I am debating between titling it Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Wife or The Happiest Wife On the Block. Any suggestions?

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31 Comments

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31 responses to “Just Call Me Dr. Ferber

  1. YEAH, new laptop! How marvelously wonderful. Hope you enjoy it!

    My hubby doesn’t really have that problem, but he does like to stay up late and sleep in late. So it’s a battle every day to get him up. Usually I just tell the kids to go attack him. 🙂

    Good luck with that… could take a little while longer for your hubby to learn, but I like your method!

  2. I think you need to drug him.

  3. Matt is a terrible sleeper too and it’s a big issue for me! When he travels for work I sleep soundly … and well … and the rest of the time, it’s always a bummer!
    xo
    Maybe I will take a page out of this book from you 🙂

  4. Love this idea! Tim is a snorer… keeps me up half the night especially when he has a cold. makes me CRAZY! I need to adapt some sort of sleep system for that, besides jabbing him with my elbow.

    Let us know how it goes!

  5. Eva

    Ha! This is too funny – definitely the makings of a very popular book.

    I’ve always found it odd when couples, usually older couples, have separate beds. But it’s starting to make sense to me. Not being able to sleep well affects everything else in life. And if one spouse is a night owl while the other isn’t, oh that can take a toll. Hopefully you will both start sleeping soundly soon!

  6. ck

    That is so funny! If you do the “Happiest Wife on the Block,” be sure to give details on how to swaddle the husband in a light blanket and buckle him into a swing that moves very quickly until he falls asleep.

  7. You go! My husband snores like a warthog. Makes me insane.

  8. This is hysterical! Good luck with all that, Amber!

    Being a “challenged sleeper” myself, I’ll be curious to see how you do. And looking forward to the film version of your book, whatever you title it. It’s sure to be romantic comedy – or tragi-comedy – at its best.

  9. Kristina stole my suggestion. Curses, foiled again!

    You’re hilarious – love it!

  10. So funny! Who knew so many of us were married to such irksome bedmates? My husband is a very restless sleeper as well. I will eagerly await your book, and will borrow CK’s swing suggestion in the meantime!

  11. Great post Amber! I have to say a husband with those sleep habits would drive me absolutely crazy! How about adopting the Super Nanny approach, whenever he gets out of bed take him right back there and keep doing it until he learns to stay put 🙂

  12. Kim

    So sorry to hear about your sleeping woes.

    How about titling your book

    “If Hubby’s not sleeping; Nobody’s sleeping. A guide to a peaceful night’s sleep.”

    Let me know when it’s published!

  13. I think you should call it,
    “Apartment living gone wild!”

    Or,
    “I would NOT call these desperate measures, just intelligent decisions.”

  14. I’m shaking I’m laughing so hard. Really. My husband is EXACTLY the same when he’s stressed. So I’ll be your first customer for that book.

  15. FWIW, stress or no stress I can sleep anywhere, any time and in any position. It is a gift.

  16. My husband is such a light sleeper it drives me absolutely nuts! I tip toe in to put laundry away and he sits up and says, “WHAT????” Sheesh

  17. HAHAHAHA!!! I agree with Kristina P.; you should just slip him some benadryl at dinner time 🙂

  18. DH and I used to roll our eyes at my grandparents who slept in separate rooms.

    Yeah, well, ya know that scripture about how the judgments you mete out will come back atcha?

    We’ve been in separate rooms for years; sometimes you do what you have to do to get the sleep you need to survive.

    I love your sense of humor about it all, Amber. In all seriousness, though, there are worst things that can happen in life than sleeping in different places. (And –ahem– you can still find ways to make hickies happen.)

  19. You’re a genius, Amber! Child-rearing guides (or dog training???) could be perfect for breaking these habits. In my house, though, I’m the one with the annoying habits, like never coming to bed. Wonder what my husband will come up with?

  20. You going to have a hit on your hands. Maybe it should be how the Husband stole sleep time…. then you can have a subtitle. and the Wife who saves the night.

  21. You’re so funny. I have the same problem with mine. I would buy the book, I guess. I’m considering slipping melatonin into his dinner drink.

  22. I second the drugging.

    My husband and I have a different problem. He usually winds up sleeping with our son because he gets up calling for him anyway. He finds it easier to just set up camp there. Which I understand. So yay for extra space in bed, but I kinda want my husband back.

  23. My husband often works the night shift, or gets home about 3am. I can rarely go back to sleep when awakened at that hour.

    So, I’m in line for your book…but could you include a section on driving yourself to fall asleep or a swing I could sit in as well?

  24. My husband can sleep through anything. One baby crying, no problem. Two babies crying, no problem. All three, he’s still out like a light. If you figure out how to bottle some of Ben’s restlessness, can I get a jar or two?? =>

  25. unabridgedgirl

    Congrats on the new laptop! And your idea made me laugh.

  26. Ha! Ha! Ha! Thanks for the laughs.

  27. This totally cracked me up! Works with kids, why not try it on hubby!

  28. What is up with these men of ours? Mine has the bladder of a twelve year old girl. He woke me up every hour on the hour the other night. When I told him to go sleep on the couch, he said he couldn’t because he forgot to put his clothes away. !!

  29. Melanie J

    I just got a refurbished laptop (which is why I’m blogging again) and we are very happy together.

  30. That’s hilarious, Amber. I will totally buy that book.

  31. Pingback: Sleep and Laughter CAN Go Hand in Hand « Making the Moments Count