Intentional Happiness + Bigger Picture Moment

Finding intentional happiness and seeing the bigger picture is easy for me this week.  I’m sure you know why.


Morning Sickness

When I took the pregnancy test,  the positive line was faint.  It worried me, slightly, but I was too excited to think about it.  While in California last week,  my anxiety kicked in.  I became weepy, angry, depressed, and frustrated with everything around me.  My husband was confused by my sudden alteration and finally confronted me.  In the quiet and safe place of the guest room, I unloaded all my worries.

What if I’m not pregnant?

You took a test, it was positive.

But what if it was wrong? What if I had a miscarriage early on?

I think that is pretty rare, but we could go buy another pregnancy test if you’d like.

No, I’d have to take it in the morning (don’t ask) and we don’t have time.  If I am pregnant, why don’t I feel sick yet?

You’re not that far along.  Be patient.

Yes, but, but, but, but…..

And the list continued on and on.   If I had been thinking clearly, I would have recognized my anxiety and severe mood swings as sure indicators I am pregnant.  Thankfully my husband did not mention that.

My pregnancies follow a simple order. Five weeks: nausea.  Six weeks: excessive vomiting. Seven-fourteen weeks: IV therapy.  Fourteen until the end: continued nausea and/or vomiting but no IV therapy.  Thus, not feeling sick immediately reminds me of my miscarriage, when the symptoms did not arise and I knew something was wrong.

We returned from our trip and almost immediately the nausea set in.  It wasn’t overpowering, at first, but enough to make me smile.  I would feel the urge to vomit and happily tell my husband.  I think he thought I was losing it.

I am sitting now, in front of the computer, closing my eyes against the nausea,  willing my stomach to keep my dinner down, and smiling.  Because to me, sickness means a healthy pregnancy and I really want to meet this baby.


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30 responses to “Intentional Happiness + Bigger Picture Moment

  1. Christine

    I was sick sick sick with both my boys, and though I cursed it as I was feeling it, I knew it meant all was well. That doesn’t make it easier and I’m sure as the weeks go on you’ll get sick of it (pardon the pun), but this is an exciting time. I hope you are able to revel in it as you go and that it just brings you more and more joy. I am so darn happy for your!

  2. alita

    Your !!! is perfection, even if it is brought on by morning sickness (blech… all I could do was eat apples. Now I don’t even want to look at one… 3 years later.)

    Hopefully the honeymoon phase of your pregnancy will start soon.

  3. Boy, you are really put through the wringer! Hope you escape the IV therapy this time!

  4. Jen

    You’re amazing. My pregnancies went much like yours. IV therapy. Bedrest. Crawling to the toilet every 20 minutes. Of course it was worth it, but I certainly wasn’t finding the happiness at the time. I hope you have some help with your beauties so you can focus on the one inside during this barfy time!

  5. it’s great when being sick and nauseous can make you feel so good. congrats.

  6. It will all be worth it. I’ve had stomach stuff going on for a year, and one of the symptoms is nausea. It’s the worst!

  7. Yikes, lady. If anyone questions you love your children, show them this post.

    I understand how sickness=good when it comes to pregnancy. When I was pregnant, I was barely sick at all. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I would miscarry any day. Thankfully I didn’t, but I can still taste that dread.

    Also, those babies are ridiculously adorable!

  8. db

    Aww.. On the plus side, you make absolutely beautiful babies.. Can’t wait to see what this little one looks like, and to find out if you’re having a boy or girl… 🙂 Or are you going to be surprised?

  9. I remember having that exact conversation with my husband when pregnant with my second. And like you the nausea kicked in a short time later.
    I think the bigger picture is the only thing that makes that 24/7 sickness bearable. Its so hard to remember when your in the middle of it though. Good for you!

  10. Intentional happiness, I love it! I remember that grateful, yes I’m sick this time feeling as well, it’s awesome!

  11. I get this totally. Apparently only about a third of women get morning sickness – so the story goes and so I was told all the while. Yet just about every Mom I know had it – except me. Three pregnancies and never even a slightly queasy moment. So yes, I worried about it a lot as it is meant to be a good indicator that that little being is taking hold. So I’m glad you now have the symptoms – if you know what I mean 🙂 But boy, that is rough having it as badly as you do. Maybe after two previous babies this time around won’t be as bad – I hope that’s the case.

  12. I only had a couple instances where I was really ill during pregnancy, which worried me, too. After a miscarriage, it’s hard not to fear it happening again. So, I can relate to that anxiety you were feeling. I’m thrilled you’re feeling sick (and less anxious) and that your little one is healthy and I never thought I’d say those words quite that way! I hope that you get to skip the IV therapy this time, though. That doesn’t sound fun at all.

  13. Oh, I am feeling it with you. The nausea is terrible. I am familiar with the IV therapy as well. Every pregnancy I’ve had to go in for it. The medications don’t work, all the natural remedies don’t work. So know that at least one other person is feeling the exact same way as you!

    P.S. Just went to my doctor today and got my official due date, April 5th! I was right on this time.

  14. That beginning wave of nausea is really almost like a relief 🙂
    Hope this one somehow changes the order of events somehow!

  15. I remember the nausea and the dry heaves so well. Hope this time around it isn’t too bad for you. I am amazed that you can post during the morning sickness! You go girl!

  16. CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I’ve never seen someone so happy about morning sickness…and it’s a beautiful thing!

  17. Oh, the nausea. Blech. But like you, I always took it as a good sign. As much as I despise that feeling, I was deeply satisfied that I was feeling it!!

  18. My lines are always faint too. But I learned…and line is a positvive! YAY!

    Sorry about feeling lousy!

  19. Yea Amber! I am so happy for you! I’ve been crazy scarce but I kept thinking that I needed to get on your blog to see if you were maybe pregnant again!

    When I was pregnant with my daughter – and I had to try really hard to get there! – I was so sick that everyday I would think “why did I want this again?” it was hard for me to see my way out of it. I’m glad you don’t have that, that you know it’s just a cycle that will pass.

  20. I know how you feel – the anxiety of the first few weeks following a miscarriage can be really scary. But I’m glad that period of apprehension is over for you now. While I was one of the lucky few who escaped the morning sickness, I know I wouldn’t mind it if it gave me a peace of mind that things are shaping up well. 🙂

  21. Hopefully your won’t be as sick during this pregnancy. But, if you are, you have the best attitude! Your kids are lucky to have you as a mom!

  22. ck

    CONGRATULATIONS! I’m pretty sure nothing else in the world can top this kind of !!!

  23. Wowzers! Congratulations.

  24. I’m sorry you’re nauseous. But I’m happy you’re nauseous. You know what I mean.

    This post made me smile.

  25. Amber, I guess I’m happy for you that you’re feeling so sick, but seriously, let me know if you ever need help with your kiddos or something. We could play out front while you become friends with our toilet. 😉 Anyways, I finally read your blog and I LOVE it! Especially your honesty! Glad you’ve got an outlet. Is your computer fixed? If not, call us.

  26. Nicki

    The mood swings, the anxiety, the crying at every little thing (including a slightly undercooked, to my taste anyway, omelet while on vacation) were all things that told me I was pregnant for my third time.

    The rest will come or maybe will not. Each of my five pregnancies was distinctly different.

    I haven’t been around the blogosphere much but want to say a belated Congratulations to you and your growing family!

  27. Yeah for puking!!! I never thought I’d say this but I’m so glad you’re feeling sick. 🙂

  28. Well, I guess I can say I’m happy your sick as a dog? Or maybe congrats on the mood swings? I never thought I would say either of those two things…

  29. YourFavoriteSister

    Ohhh my little m&m, herman and a jellyfish? I love them!!!