I am tired. Extremely tired. There is no apparent reason behind this exhuastion; both kids sleep very well through the night and I must get somewhere between 7-8 hours. And yet, I am still so. stinking. tired. It’s not just me, Ben also suffers from this…whatever it is. Is it the darkness? Being a parent? I don’t know, but, good gravy, I want my energy back.
Along with exhaustion, I feel a sense of disconnection from the on-line world. A sort of apathy. It’s not that I don’t enjoy reading your posts, it’s that I’m usually too tired to even try writing. For me, if I don’t write a post I generally don’t read posts. It feels like I’m cheating, I read something new from you but leave you with old reading material in my place. Weird? Yes. Whatever, it’s how I am.
My daytime hours are dedicated to the kids. They are growing up so fast. Now that Andrew is more mobile, he and Emily are busier than ever before. And more fun. We prefer to dance to our favorite songs (usually The Wiggles or The Jimmies), read our favorite stories, and walk to our favorite parks. Plus, with Ben home in the mornings, I prefer to focus more on him than the internet.
Each evening, I debate between blogging, watching a show, and reading a book. Generally, I choose a show because I can enjoy my dinner at the same time. It also gives me a chance to rest my body and ease the pain. When I’m finished with an episode, it’s usually time to clean. The only chance I have to wash dishes and fold laundry without added, um, “help” from the kids.
I don’t tell you these things to garner sympathy or to offer excuses; I write these things as an explanation. My lack of on-line presence probably hasn’t been felt by anyone other than me, yet I feel the need to explicate my disappearance.
With the help of NaBloPoMo, I’ve decided to zap my blogging back into action. That’s right, I am going to write every day for the month of November. I believe that this will help me re-enter my old life; a life full of lively interactions with friends on-line and in real life. Ben will soon be super busy with two jobs, so I need to kick my butt back into gear and throw myself into activity.
So long apathy. Good-bye exhaustion.
Welcome home, energy.
(I don’t really know if my exhaustion will disappear, but I do hope I can start waking up earlier. At least 15 minutes before my babies wake up.)