I have no idea what happened to my New Year’s resolutions of last year. I’m uncertain as to whether I continued with my goals or managed to fail the first day. This is slightly relieving as it keeps me free of guilt from an unexpectedly difficult year.
With this year, though, my goals are written down in a journal I will not lose. These goals are important as they deal with self-improvement: Specifically, a new mind set.
For the majority of 2010, I lived in survival mode. Given everything that came my way–colicky baby, busy husband (first with school then with two jobs), two miscarriages, yada yada yada, it makes sense. I don’t look down on myself because of how I parented or how I lived each day. However, now that I’ve met the worst head on and survived, I feel much better equipped to start 2011 on the right path.
Goals can either be tools of self-reprimand–if you fail–or vehicles of positive self-change. Despite my tendency toward the former, I intend for my goals to be used as the latter. I believe that the past few months have granted me power to achieve this. I survived losses. I became aware of my anxiety and depression. I have struggled from and come to terms with chronic pain. Each of these events have made me stronger. It’s not easy, and never will be, but the process has refined me in a manner yet unmatched. In the future, I would like to look back at 2010 as my defining year.
To begin this year, I do have certain goals for this space.
Consistency. I will improve on quickly responding to comments and answering e-mails. This is my weakest point when it comes to blogging; thankfully, there is always a way to change.
Better writing. I know my perfectionist attitude often prevents me from change, but in this area I will allow it to help me. I know how to write; unfortunately I often don’t allow myself enough time to edit. I don’t want to read old posts and gag anymore because my writing was so poor.
Give myself a break. Blogging, for me, is about fun. I won’t have unrealistic expectations for what I should do; instead, I will allot myself a specific time to read and relax. Getting to know all of you has been invigorating and refreshing and I refuse to let that go.
I used to wish and wait for things to be easier. Now I realize that life will only get more complicated and difficult so I am learning new methods to handle unknown stressors and to improve through the challenges. As hard as trials can be, and though I would never willingly repeat certain events, I am grateful for what I have learned.
As for 2011? Bring it on.