When I first heard the Duggar family news that Michelle had miscarried, I felt spite well up, thinking of my own losses and comparing my family of 2 to her family of 20, and internally said, “I don’t feel bad for her.”
This past week, I read the story and my anger turned into concern and compassion. Michelle had a late-term miscarriage, losing her baby at 20 weeks. I don’t care how you feel about their growing family, a miscarriage is hard. Also, to them, continuing to have children is a blessing and it is also their choice. They are feeding, schooling, and taking care of their children and home without the help of government assistance or the community, what is selfish about that?
While I had an admittedly “right” reason for my anger, at least I was heedful of Michelle’s pain and kept the thoughts to myself, not posting them on Facebook or even mentioning them to my friends. Unfortunately, many threw mean comments right at her face, completely ignoring the pain she and her family are currently experiencing.
I have disagreements with Patriarchy and the Quiverfull movement, something that Melissa articulately describes in her post, Babies, Duggars and Me. However, this is not about me and it’s not about you.
It’s about Michelle and her pain
a baby lost with all the accompanying sorrow
and coming together and collectively sharing her burden while lifting her up.
With so much hate in this world, why don’t we recognize an important component to our evolution: compassion.
Rather than spreading hate by calling the Duggars “selfish” and, with disgusting temerity, saying things like, “God took the Duggars baby because He is sending them a message: stop conceiving,” let’s recognize her sorrow and cry with her and all women who have experienced loss. I know I am.