While two miscarriages in a year might indicate suckiness, I publicly declare 2011 a success.
In 2010, the year of despair, I decided to make 2011 the best year of my life.
I suffered through my third miscarriage in May, two weeks before we moved across the country. While it was hard, emotionally and physically, I finally reflected on my religion that had promised me a healthy pregnancy, twice, which ultimately resulted in miscarriages. Since I was often wallowing in guilt–especially as a woman and mother–and confused by all the doctrinal inconsistencies, I decided to seek the truth, whatever the outcome. My conclusions were vastly different from what I had been taught I would find, so I finally said good-bye to Mormonism.
Leaving religion helped me find my voice. I evaluated my current goals against my dreams for the future and decided that my husband and I were equally intelligent and capable of caring for our family. We moved to the Midwest, Ben started medical school, and I became the breadwinner. We learned how a partnership really works.
At the viability ultrasound, we saw the developing embryo and a beating heart.
All these events culminated in a successful year and I can’t wait to see what 2012 brings.