2011: The Year of Positive Change

While two miscarriages in a year might indicate suckiness, I publicly declare 2011 a success.

In 2010, the year of despair, I decided to make 2011 the best year of my life.

It began with medication, making my anxiety and depression manageable.  Shortly after, I saw motherhood through a different lens which allowed me to enjoy parenting and really connect with my kids.

I suffered through my third miscarriage in May, two weeks before we moved across the country.  While it was hard, emotionally and physically, I finally reflected on my religion that had promised me a healthy pregnancy, twice, which ultimately resulted in miscarriages.  Since I was often wallowing in guilt–especially as a woman and mother–and confused by all the doctrinal inconsistencies, I decided to seek the truth, whatever the outcome. My conclusions were vastly different from what I had been taught I would find, so I finally said good-bye to Mormonism.

Leaving religion helped me find my voice.  I evaluated my current goals against my dreams for the future and decided that my husband and I were equally intelligent and capable of caring for our family.  We moved to the Midwest, Ben started medical school, and I became the breadwinner.  We learned how a partnership really works.

In November, I had another miscarriage.  Three weeks later, I found myself pregnant again.  I discovered a new perspective with this pregnancy and left my worries about miscarriage behind.

At the viability ultrasound, we saw the developing embryo and a beating heart.

All these events culminated in a successful year and I can’t wait to see what 2012 brings.



Filed under Holidays

7 responses to “2011: The Year of Positive Change

  1. Your grace, courage, and wisdom continue to astound me, Amber.

    May you know only good news in 2012, and the joys from those lessons.


  2. I am so happy for you. You deserve to end the year on a high note. Congrats again and I continue to hold you in my thoughts. Hugs. xoxo

  3. Oh my. I am SO excited for you and sending good vibes. Have a profound hunch that 2012 will be a wonderful year for you. xox

  4. I am eager to watch your 2012 unfold! Lots of love.

  5. Love that your year ended with a high note. I know 2012 will bring you goodness. Happy New Year Amber.

  6. There is a particular grace to seeing the strength and power we gain through the years with so many hurtles. Amber, I’m hoping 2012 brings more light, more joy.
    Happy New Year!

  7. I am really looking forward to 2012. I’m so glad to have found you in bloggy world!