I am ten weeks today and crying that we’ve made it this far.
When I wake up and remember that I’m still pregnant, I feel my heart jumping for joy. I would join in if I weren’t laid up with HG. And if I weren’t struggling with incontinence.
I have had several questions regarding this pregnancy: how I want to do this birth, if we are going to find out the gender, etc. Honestly, I don’t think about those things. I am enjoying living day-to-day while not worrying about the future. The future will happen; but this day-to-day stuff can’t be repeated. Even if the routine includes bed rest, weight loss, incessant nausea, and medicine taken frequently to limit the vomiting.
Even though I had to quit my job, I’ve spent more quality time with the kids than I have in a while. With things changing–from pregnancy to ideology–I am finding more value in the extra time I have with Emily and Andrew.
When I quit my job, I didn’t feel sadness. It’s not that I didn’t like working, it’s that quitting felt right.
See, the truth is, this will be my last pregnancy. When the HG started, I felt relieved in knowing that I would need to quit. It meant more time to enjoy the pregnancy, my babies, and figure out what I want with my future. (Also, I will be starting my Master’s program in a couple of months. This would’ve been doable with full-time employment had I not been pregnant.) This is a special time that I can actually slow down and I feel lucky for this opportunity.
I don’t know what the future holds but I do know that I am enjoying the present.