Tag Archives: bigger picture moments

There Is Always Tomorrow

Simple BPM

It started at 4 am, when Emily came running into the room screaming because she had wet the bed.  I consoled her, changed her, and placed her in bed next to me.

When we all woke up for the day at 7, things seemed to moving along as normal.  A rush of getting the kids fed, Ben’s lunch made, and starting in on the morning chores.

But by 9, my sweet baby had dumped his cereal all over the floor; stuffed the toilet with towels, toothbrushes, and other items; and torn apart my carefully organized cupboards.

While cleaning one mess, he would run into another room to make another one.

His sister was not innocently standing by.

The beautifully cleaned, vacuumed, and dusted living room was quickly torn asunder as my angelic daughter threw the cushions off the couch, spread the clean and folded clothes all over the floor, dumped her orange juice over the coffee table and floor–twice–and screamed for various snacks.

As I surveyed the damage, Ben called to ask that I mail the rent check.  To do this, I had to buy stamps and envelopes and be back before the mail man came.  I stepped over the messes, dressed the kids, and packed them in the car only to drive by the mailman on the way out.  I continued on my journey, located stamps, and set out to find a mail box (I wasn’t sure where the post office was).  I also had to buy new toothbrushes as Andrew had made ours unusable.

When we arrived home, the kids continued on in their wave of destruction.  Cheerios thrown out of bowls, crackers crushed into the carpet, the clothes in drawers littering every room.

At 11, I typed a tired message to my husband relaying the mornings events. He came home for lunch and left even more exhausted as the kids continued melting down.

Functioning, at this point, was beyond impossible.  I put Andrew down for his nap. Since Emily’s sheets were still not washed, I had to put her in my bed and lay down with her (rather than making some headway on the chaos surrounding me).

By the end of the day (after our house had virtually imploded), I was close to a breakdown.  We started in on our nighttime routine.  Once I bathed the kids, I locked them in Emily’s room with me and read stories.

One story after the next.  As I read, Emily enacted each nursery rhyme and Andrew ran after her, attempting to copy her movements.  I watched them.  In moments, joy replaced frustration, a smile the frown.  The wrinkles in my brow relaxed as I sat laughing.  Soon we were all dancing and singing.  The days events a mere memory.

I put them in bed, giving extra squeezes in return for sweet toddler kisses.

I started in on the messes, completely rejuvenated by that half hour of fun.

There is always tomorrow, the voice whispered.

“I know.  I am ready.”

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Filed under Reflections

Intentional Happiness + Bigger Picture Moment

Finding intentional happiness and seeing the bigger picture is easy for me this week.  I’m sure you know why.

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Morning Sickness

When I took the pregnancy test,  the positive line was faint.  It worried me, slightly, but I was too excited to think about it.  While in California last week,  my anxiety kicked in.  I became weepy, angry, depressed, and frustrated with everything around me.  My husband was confused by my sudden alteration and finally confronted me.  In the quiet and safe place of the guest room, I unloaded all my worries.

What if I’m not pregnant?

You took a test, it was positive.

But what if it was wrong? What if I had a miscarriage early on?

I think that is pretty rare, but we could go buy another pregnancy test if you’d like.

No, I’d have to take it in the morning (don’t ask) and we don’t have time.  If I am pregnant, why don’t I feel sick yet?

You’re not that far along.  Be patient.

Yes, but, but, but, but…..

And the list continued on and on.   If I had been thinking clearly, I would have recognized my anxiety and severe mood swings as sure indicators I am pregnant.  Thankfully my husband did not mention that.

My pregnancies follow a simple order. Five weeks: nausea.  Six weeks: excessive vomiting. Seven-fourteen weeks: IV therapy.  Fourteen until the end: continued nausea and/or vomiting but no IV therapy.  Thus, not feeling sick immediately reminds me of my miscarriage, when the symptoms did not arise and I knew something was wrong.

We returned from our trip and almost immediately the nausea set in.  It wasn’t overpowering, at first, but enough to make me smile.  I would feel the urge to vomit and happily tell my husband.  I think he thought I was losing it.

I am sitting now, in front of the computer, closing my eyes against the nausea,  willing my stomach to keep my dinner down, and smiling.  Because to me, sickness means a healthy pregnancy and I really want to meet this baby.

!!!

My Beautiful Children


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My Special Place

I have moments when I want to run far, far away from my responsibilities.  Find a secluded spot where I may read, write, and use the restroom without interruptions.  A place that is well stocked with my favorite foods, a few running trails, an excellent kick boxing and/or Zumba class, and a friend to chat with.

Today was one of those days.

As I cleaned up mess after mess from my very active toddler and very sick baby, I noticed tears streaming down my face.  Emily noticed them too and asked in her oh-so-cute baby voice “are you okay?”  To which I replied, “No, I’m having a hard time.”  She responded by giving me a kiss and dumping out the rest of her bubbles onto the carpet.  Her sweetness overshadowed by her toddler mindset (whatever that might be).

And my mind wandered to that place.

This place.

Because, really, this is a place where I can chat without interruptions.  It is well stocked with virtual pictures of all my favorite foods, books, bloggers, and stories of solitary wanderings.  Even if my dream cannot become a reality right now, at least I have my friends–all of you– to share it with.

Sigh.  It’s great to be back.

Bigger Picture Moment

This is my rather late Bigger Picture Post, hosted  by Corinne.

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