While driving to the funeral last Saturday, my husband and I sat in uncharacteristic silence, absorbed in our own thoughts. Interestingly enough, we were wrapped in the same emotion: anger. It did not seem fair that my cousin was experiencing such a tragic loss. She is a good, loving, mom!
To top it off, we were going to the funeral with our 2-month-old infant. To us, it seemed like flaunting our bounty. I’m sure if we could, we would have left Manly home.
When I walked into the funeral home and saw my cousin, I didn’t know what to say. I did the only thing I knew how to do, I gave her a hug, several actually.
She inquired after Manly and asked to see him. I saw the joy–and the hurt–in her eyes. At that moment, I realized something: denying her the opportunity to see our baby would have added to her pain.
In trying to shield my cousin from more hurt, I would have added to it. I am grateful that we did take Manly. I am grateful that she was able to see our son. I am grateful because I know it comforted her, in some small way.
As we proceeded to the graveside service, Ben offered profound insight.
“Amber, we are angry and we have no right to be angy. ”
“What do you mean?”
“J and K have a right to be angry. Yet, they aren’t. Yes, they are sad. Yes, their hearts ache. Yet, through this experience, they have acquired a more intimate knowledge about the Plan of Salvation and they cling to this belief. They have faith. Our anger is, in some ways, bringing more pain into this service. We need to focus on them, rather than ourselves.”
J dedicated the grave. His words echoed what Ben had said. His beautiful prayer– and faith– provided me with hope.
I have tried to write this post in many ways. There are just no words to adequately describe the funeral and graveside service. Nothing that can justify the pain J and K are experiencing.
What amazes me was how they comforted those around them.
I can only end this by sharing my testimony. As you know, I am a Mormon. I believe, we believe, that their is a life after this one. We believe that families are Eternal. We believe that we will meet loved ones in the next life that we have lost in this life.
I know that this knowledge comforts J and K. The sorrow will never disappear. The sadness will always be present. Yet, they find peace in their belief–and knowledge– of Eternal families.
J and K–I am sorry for your loss. I love you and will continue to pray for you. Thank you for allowing us to take part such a treasured service.