Tag Archives: New Year’s Resolutions

Virtual Hot Cocoa

Cathy suggested we have a cup of virtual coffee together, much like Corinne’s weekly series.   I think this is a wonderful idea and will only tweak it a little–by making mine a cup of hot chocolate.   Don’t worry, you can keep your cup of coffee if you’d like.

If we met for hot chocolate, we would exchange holiday stories.  I would tell you mine were perfect: Relaxed and guilt-free.  Ben and I decided on a new tradition that will take a couple years to get going, but we are very excited to see it come to pass.

I would ask about your family then tell you about mine: How Andrew took his first steps on Christmas Eve among wild applause and shouts of, “Hooray!”;  that I finally conceded to potty training Emily because she is doing it all on her own. You would laugh as I describe how she marches right to her little potty when she needs to relieve herself, stands up and yells, “I go pee pee, Mommy!” when she’s finished and helps me empty the bowl it into the toilet.  Afterward, she instantly demands a treat.  Which I often agree to because she is just so big and I am just so proud.  You would ask about Ben and I would share how marvelous it was to have him work only one job over Christmas break.  We had so much fun together.

You would ask how I’m feeling.  A little rough emotionally, I’d explain, especially since some of my friends are having their babies right now.   It makes me hurt knowing that I won’t be holding mine in May, even as I take comfort in knowing she (I always knew it was a she) is being held by God in Heaven.  Physically…well I’d quickly change the subject because that’s a sore (no pun intended) topic right now.

We would swap resolutions lists.  I would tell you that I don’t expect perfection in my goals, just gradual changes as I continue to grow through my experiences.  You would nod your head at my wisdom and then we’d both collapse in fits of giggles because, let’s be honest, “being wise” isn’t my greatest attribute.

As our time ended, always too quickly, we’d stand and give each other giant hugs.  We’d promise to meet at the same place, same time next week with new insights to share and stories to laugh about.

Until then…

What would you share?

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A New Year and Nothing's Changed

Andrew and Me right at the beginning of 2010

I have no idea what happened to my New Year’s resolutions of last year. I’m uncertain as to whether I continued with my goals or managed to fail the first day. This is slightly relieving as it keeps me free of guilt from an unexpectedly difficult year.

With this year, though, my goals are written down in a journal I will not lose. These goals are important as they deal with self-improvement: Specifically, a new mind set.

For the majority of 2010, I lived in survival mode. Given everything that came my way–colicky baby, busy husband (first with school then with two jobs), two miscarriages, yada yada yada, it makes sense. I don’t look down on myself because of how I parented or how I lived each day. However, now that I’ve met the worst head on and survived, I feel much better equipped to start 2011 on the right path.

Goals can either be tools of self-reprimand–if you fail–or vehicles of positive self-change. Despite my tendency toward the former, I intend for my goals to be used as the latter. I believe that the past few months have granted me power to achieve this. I survived losses. I became aware of my anxiety and depression. I have struggled from and come to terms with chronic pain. Each of these events have made me stronger. It’s not easy, and never will be, but the process has refined me in a manner yet unmatched. In the future, I would like to look back at 2010 as my defining year.

To begin this year, I do have certain goals for this space.

Consistency. I will improve on quickly responding to comments and answering e-mails. This is my weakest point when it comes to blogging; thankfully, there is always a way to change.

Better writing. I know my perfectionist attitude often prevents me from change, but in this area I will allow it to help me. I know how to write; unfortunately I often don’t allow myself enough time to edit. I don’t want to read old posts and gag anymore because my writing was so poor.

Give myself a break. Blogging, for me, is about fun. I won’t have unrealistic expectations for what I should do; instead, I will allot myself a specific time to read and relax. Getting to know all of you has been invigorating and refreshing and I refuse to let that go.

I used to wish and wait for things to be easier. Now I realize that life will only get more complicated and difficult so I am learning new methods to handle unknown stressors and to improve through the challenges. As hard as trials can be, and though I would never willingly repeat certain events, I am grateful for what I have learned.

As for 2011? Bring it on.

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