Before we were married, Ben and I had a long discussion about division of household chores. He suggested, and I agreed, that if he works full-time, I would also work full-time doing the household chores. When he came home, we would share the remainder of the tasks.
This worked well. In the beginning, we both worked part-time and attended school full-time and shared the household chores.
After we had Emily, things changed. I quit working but continued to attend school full-time. It seemed natural that I would take care of the household chores.
After a couple of months, we realized we needed to re-evaluate this division. It was nearly impossible for me to take care of a colicky baby, finish homework, and stay on top of meals, dishes, and laundry. Thus, Ben began cooking and cleaning more. I focused on the laundry. It worked rather well.
Breaking up household tasks was easy. Breaking up who gets up with the baby was harder, is still hard.
With Emily, Ben and I would both get up. He would change the diapers, I would take care of the feedings (obviously). It was an arrangement that worked quite well.
When Andrew arrived, things changed. I was no longer juggling school and mothering. I became a fully certified stay-at-home mom. Ben, though, is busier. Between 4 part-time jobs (equaling about 20-25 hours per week total), 16-17 credits of pre-med courses, and MCAT studying, his time is limited. He stays up later than me and usually gets up earlier than me. It seemed logical, in my mind, that he forgo night time duties. I didn’t explain this shift to him, I just stopped waking him up at night.
A week or so ago, I explained to Ben that Andrew would probably sleep longer through the night if I would get up to change him rather than just allowing him to find comfort in eating. I just don’t want to deal with getting up and changing him. So, because of my laziness, I am actually getting less sleep. Ben reminded me that he can also help. If I give him Andrew, he would be happy to change him. Yet, it seems illogical that both of us lose sleep. I figure that since I am home all day, I should solely handle Andrew at night.
My question for you is this. Should I include Ben in night time tasks if he is already getting less sleep than I am? If yes, how can I do this without burdening him even more?
Alternatively, any advice on kicking my lazy habit of not changing Andrew’s diaper in the middle of the night? That is probably more pressing.
Thank you, in advance, for any advice you share.