In walked the doctor, with his clipboard full of test results from the blood they had drawn two weeks earlier. I sat on the examination table, with Ben across from me, waiting to hear what the doctor had found and still unsure of what I might do with the information.
Doctor: “Well your lab results came back with some interesting information: You’re pregnant.”
Me: [Eyes wide, breathing rapid, surprise written all over my body.] “You’re kidding, right? And will you please repeat what you just said?”
Doctor: “No, I’m serious. The nurse did the test like you requested and two lines quickly appeared.”
Me: “Uh.” [Lots of nervous laughter.]
Cue the sarcastic side.
Me: Well thanks for ruining my day.
When I wrote about worry, I was referring to test results from the blood they had drawn at the [above] appointment, measuring my hCG levels and Progesterone. I wasn’t expecting any phone calls until Thursday, after they had drawn more blood to see if the hCG was doubling and that the Progesterone was increasing.
The news came back yesterday very positive, my initial levels were around 156, which indicated pregnancy. After the second draw, my levels increased to 333 and the Progesterone rose to 16.5.
So, I guess I’m pregnant. Again.
Because I haven’t had a period post-miscarriage, I have no idea how far along I am. With a very narrow time frame for when I could have gotten pregnant, I am pretty sure it happened sometime within the last two weeks. Since there is no certainty of when I ovulated, I, and the doctor, must rely on hCG levels to determine everything, and based on those results I am around 2 weeks. Holy shoot.
While it might seem surprising that I am sharing this news so early, I have nothing to lose (no pun intended). This pregnancy will either stick or it won’t. I have gone through 4 miscarriages and know the drill, I know what my chances are and what most results mean when they come in.
However, I am feeling more optimistic than I ever did with the last four. This was unintentionally caught super early, which means I can start the Progesterone and other medications right as the blastocyst implants, a critical time in my obstetric history.
Thanks to my hypochondriac tendencies after every miscarriage, I am sure I am pregnant within a couple of weeks. I remain ill and hurting for up to 3 months post loss, and never know what that means. So, to give my mind and body a rest, I asked for a pregnancy test so I could see negative results.
That plan backfired.
What I must fight now is the constant tension I feel throughout my body. I worry. Constantly. Every morning, noon, and night I practice the breathing I learned through hypnobirthing to relax my body and make things as hospitable as I can for the embryo.
The next few months are going to be TOUGH.
But I am so glad I have this place where, with you, I am making the moments count.