I am three weeks into my program and wondering, what the hell was I thinking? To make it easier for me and my fellow (under)graduate students, I’ve composed a list of 10 ways to ensure one doesn’t survive school.
1. Have kids. Lots of ’em. And, if possible, make sure you’re pregnant WITH kids.
2. Start out poor. Extra stress from financial burdens is extremely important to (non)success.
3. Stay home full-time with your kids, finding baby-sitters *only* when you have class. This way you and your children will experience (under)graduate school together!
4. Move FAR away from family. When you need help with little things, like an emergency baby-sitter, you will learn patience by taking your kids with you to appointments and classes!
5. Include your partner/spouse in the school/life/mother/spouse balance by sending them away for a few weeks. You’ll never appreciate them more than when they are gone and return.
6. Ensure that you live on the third floor of an apartment complex without a washer and dryer. This will make you appreciate your ancestors as you lug your kids (who refuse to walk), the laundry, the laundry supplies, and your pregnant body up and down the stairs to the laundromat.
7. Live in a *small* apartment. Nothing like enclosed spaces to improve familial relationships!
8. If you have a mental illness, don’t take your medicine – for physical or whatever reasons – to improve your chances at (non)success.
9. Ensure that your toddler and preschooler are sufficiently independent and busy enough to cause all types of chaos while you attempt to work on a paper.
10. Don’t sleep. Blame it on pregnancy-induced insomnia, anxiety-induced insomnia, or just insomnia in general. That way, by the end of the week, you are hysterical with overwhelming stress and exhaustion. A perfect recipe for (non)success.
If you can, try to combine one or more of these and I promise you the (under)graduate experience of your life!