A Prayer, Some Presents, and Wonderful People

My heart is swelling with gratitude today and I thought I’d share why.

Gratefulness #1

Our food budget has been drastically cut.  This is cool except for one thing–the Queen of picky, a.k.a Emily does not eat anything I set before her.  As I knew I wouldn’t be able to buy some of those luxuries–chicken nuggets and hot dogs–to tempt her, I had to come up with a new plan.  So I prayed.  Miraculously enough, she has eaten almost everything I have served her.

I don’t usually share these types of stories with people because I feel very strongly about my faith and don’t want it to be mocked; however, this experience, so simple and so powerful, has had a healing effect on my faith–which has been severely tested this year.  I needed this reminder that my prayers are answered, even if the content sometimes seems trivial.

Gratefulness #2

The holiday spirit has been seriously lacking over here.  Based on the note above, I’m sure you can deduce why.  Something, or rather someone, has changed that.

A certain person (or persons) has marked our family out for the 12 days of Christmas.  For the past week, he has left gifts on our doorstep, knocked, and ran away before we could thank him.  These gifts aren’t small, either, they are big and expensive.  And very thoughtful.

Exhibit A

If you can’t tell by this crude photograph, that’s a poinsettia.  A large poinsettia.  I mean, we don’t have anything large enough, besides our kitchen table, on which to place this beautiful plant.   But that’s not the point.  The point is this gift is huge!  And all the other gifts have been equally as tremendous.  I will admit that this very caring gesture has brought tears to my eyes on many occasions this week.  It has also reminded me of the true meaning behind Christmas: the spirit of giving.

Gratefulness #3

I hope this doesn’t sound cheesy, but I am feeling very blessed by all of you who visit this place and read my words.  As silly as they can be at times.  I was reminded of all your incredible natures when reading through the thoughtful comments on my most recent post.  Depression is a tricky topic to discuss and I’ve shared some pretty personal experiences.  You have proved my faithfulness in your trust by validating my need to share and offering hands of support.

One thing I can count on is your forgiveness and understanding when it takes weeks to respond to your lovely comments.  Thank you for making this a place of refuge; that’s what I need at this point in my life.

Top 4 Reasons I Have Been Absent

1.  Husband is finishing his secondary applications for medical school.

2.  Andrew has been sick.

3.   My sister is visiting.

4.  Ben and I celebrated our anniversary this week.

Even though these are great reasons, blogging is such an important part of my day that neglecting it is taking a toll on my sanity.  Or maybe that just comes with being a mother.

Friday Night Awesomeness

On Friday, Ben and I decided to visit the great city north of us so we could dine at our favorite restaurant, Pei Wei, and walk around Temple Square.  Realizing that we were heading to the city, I called a blog friend and asked if she would like to meet, in real life, that night.  She agreed (because I wouldn’t take no for an answer) and oh-my-goodness, it was fun.

Firstly, not only are her kids adorable, but she is extra gorgeous!

Secondly, our kids played very well.

Thirdly, our husbands got along.  Big bonus.

Fourthly, we chatted about everything.   I think I’ve found a lifelong friend, if she’ll accept. (Pretty please!?)

I will certainly be seeing her again.

Thanks, Kristen, for letting us crash your Friday night party!

Go visit Kristen at Enjoying Every Moment.  You will not be disappointed.

Together !!!

!!!

Squaw Peak

Hiking this mountain with my husband, 2 babies, and a friend.

!!!

Dusting off my running shoes and hitting the pavement while pushing these two cuties.

!!!

Before

After

Getting my haircut for the first time since Andrew was born.  As you can see, I really needed it.

!!!

Basking in my good friend’s awesomeness.

!!!

Going on a date with my hot husband.

My week has been full of !!!.  What about yours?

Click on over to see more !!! moments.

I Think I’m In Love (Part One)

I have three words for you: Casual Blogger Conference.

I also have four words for you: I broke my stinking camera a few days before I went.  Okay, that’s like 11 words,  but I never boast of my math skills.  I’m lucky if I can count to three on a normal day.  You know,  one…..two…..geee! (That’s how Emily counts.  She is an excellent teacher.)

Anyway.  I went to the conference unsure of how things would go.  I mean, I was meeting famous people! Without getting my hair cut! Jenna, thankfully, did not mention my crazy locks and even tolerated my awkwardness!  I know, cool, right?

The ever popular and quite famous MommyJ and Inkmom made me feel super special by recognizing me! And their babies were cute enough to eat.  For real.

While we were chatting,  Serene came over to share in the love.  Oh. My. Word.  That lady is fabulous.  She is like my soul sister.  She also introduced me to Tauna and Linda.  I liked them because they ogled my baby the next day.  Anyone who ogles my baby is a keeper.

Our lovely conversation abruptly ended when we saw Charlotte.  Duh duh duh.  I practically ran over there because she is that amazing.  I would feel comfortable calling texting her at anytime.  Plus,  she is me, fast forward like ten years.

Rachel, who convinced me to attend the Girl’s Night Out, is the sweetest lady.  She let me sit next to her and even volunteered to drive on Saturday when we were all hungry.

While sitting down for a few minutes,  Jaime joined us at our table.  She and I are kindred souls, I mean we could talk about Alaska forever!

The Damsel gave me a gigantic hug when she recognized me.  She is so inviting and sweet, I feel very lucky to have met her.

A big bonus was meeting Mombabe, Motherboard, and Kristina.  After meeting these three, I was dizzy from their famous fumes.

And this was only one night.  I am feeling happily tired just thinking about it all.  Meeting all these ladies felt like meeting old friends.  Our conversations were never dry because we related so well with each other.

(Almost) Wordless Monday

I am full from the Conference.  My brain is whirring and can’t seem to focus on one thing.   BUT, I have visual proof that I went.

I had a blast.  Whew.  I am still tired from it all.

Gosh, I love you all!

In Case You Don’t Recognize Me, I’ll Be Wearing Purple

This weekend is the big Casual Blogger Conference.  Since it is so close to where we live, my husband wouldn’t let me pass it up.  So I will be joining hundreds (thousands?) of ladies and men in listening to some awesome speakers like DeNae Handy, Courtney Kendrick, and Sue Marchant.  It’s even better that I actually know these ladies.

I know that hundreds of people will be fighting to meet me,  so I decided to introduce myself.  Virtually.

Me and my super cute baby and cool brother.

Hi, I’m Amber.  Thanks to a recent cold,  my voice now sounds like a deeper version of Phoebe’s sexy voice on friends.  I have dark blond hair and a smile that is permanently etched on my face (i.e. I have premature wrinkles).  Miss Flow’s recent visit left a few unwanted visitors on my face that I hope will disappear before the conference.  If they don’t,  well,  they don’t.  I am somewhere between small and average in waist size; although, this is covered up by healthy servings in the rear and chest area.

When I’m nervous, I talk extra fast, giggle extra hard, and say extra embarrassing things.  I also blush easily.  If you still can’t recognize me,  look for the lady with the extra red face.

I have an above average case of momnesia.  In mid sentence I may stop, look around with a confused expression, and start talking about something entirely unrelated.  Conversations may be choppy or silly but I do have something up my sleeve: I will be holding a cute baby.  Theoretically,  this provides you an easy out in any awkward or confusing conversations we might have.  I can’t guarantee it, but it’s worth a try.

He is much cuter in person. Go ahead, give his cheeks a virtual squeeze.

Since this is a special occasion,  I might actually do my hair.  I can’t make promises but I think my blow dryer and straightener will see the outside of the cupboard more this weekend than they have since my husband  bought them for me.   I may even wear earrings, makeup, and some shirts that do not have stains on them.   Since this may be pushing it, I am once again relying on Andrew’s extra cuteness to save me.  Heck,  maybe he will share some of his cuteness  with me.

There you have it.  See you at CBC ’10!!

A Big Slobbery Thank You

It just so happens that I forgot to mention one major culprit in my emotional drama of last week: Miss Flow.  While I am grateful for this physical reminder of my fertility, I can’t exactly gush about how she messes up my emotions.  Everything seems much more dramatic when she visits.

I recovered a bit of my spice over the weekend.  Your comments were a gigantic help in reminding me of the support group I have.   As much as days like those suck, it feels less overwhelming when I know that other people can relate.  Reading your comments while drinking Diet Dr. Pepper certainly alleviated much of the sadness I felt.

In case I forget how incredibly lucky I am, let me list a few things that made me smile this weekend.

Watching this little girl canter and twirl around our living room.

Feeling her sweet, slobbery kisses on my cheek.

Smiling as she sings little songs about me, Ben, and her little brother.

Tickling his numerous rolls.

Listening to his little baby noises.

Feeling like the greatest mom in the world as he smiles and laughs when I walk into the room.

Finally, all of you.  Your kind words of support.  Your wise suggestions.  Your digital hugs.  I really am a lucky gal.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

That Was Love

I woke up to the familiar pain in my abdomen, giving it a perfunctory moment of my limited time.  I started getting ready with the tiny hope that I wouldn’t be giving the thought of my breakfast to the pregnancy gods that morning.  Alas, it was not to be.  After two or three vomiting sessions, I finally succumbed to the inevitable: A hurried pony tail, a Pop Tart for the road, and a skirt that wouldn’t bother my stomach.

The day went as usual.  Classes, homework, and the omnipresent nausea interrupting all coherent thoughts.

At 4, Ben and I were ready to go home.  We walked hand in hand discussing the day.   When we were halfway home, the abdominal pain became unbearable.  Clutching my stomach, I gasped and told Ben I had to sit down.   He worriedly looked at me.  He told me to stay put while he ran home to fetch the car.  It only took him a few minutes, but time seemed to freeze as the pain threatened to consume my whole body.

Immediately upon our return home, I went to bed.  I tried everything: deep breathing, hypnosis relaxation, and prayer but the pain remained.  Finally, around 11, Ben came in to the room to find me in the fetal position sobbing uncontrollably..

He rushed me to the hospital.

Over the next 15 hours, the doctors administered myriad tests on my aching body.   After an MRI, they finally found the culprit: appendicitis.  Within 20 minutes, I was being prepped for surgery.

The whirlwind of activity did not stop my dutiful husband from holding my hand.  He offered comforting words and many prayers.  If it weren’t for him, I would have been paralyzed by fear.

During the few moments before surgery, the doctors had to ask me the usual questions: What should we do if you go into labor? Would you like us to do everything to save the baby?

This question brought fear and tears.  I told them that if that did happen, they were to do everything for my little Emily.

I spent a couple of days in the hospital recovering.  An appendectomy while 6 months pregnant is not the easiest thing to recover from.  Still, I was grateful that my little baby was safely ensconced inside my womb.

Eventually the pain subsided and the memory of the event faded.  The scar, though, will never fully disappear.

When I think about what I have sacrificed for my little Emily, I think about my appendectomy.  I not only gave my body for her, I gave my appendix (even if an appendix is virtually useless).

I have never looked at myself as being courageous during this whole experience.  Yet, courage was evident–it took courage go to the ER, it took courage to tell the doctors to save my baby if she decided to come early, and it took courage to go home.

I have learned many lessons from that day, but one of the most important is that no sacrifice goes unanswered.  And this little girl was worth the indescribable pain.

This post is in connection with Momalom’s Five for Ten event.  Click over to see all other entries for “courage.”

Dear 23-Year-Old Self,

Yes, I am finally back on–line.  It will take me forever to get caught up but so life goes.  While disconnected, I was thinking about this blog and realized I did not write myself a birthday letter; thus, this post’s inception.

Remember those goals you wrote when you were 12?  The sheet was short and simple–something like this (in no particular order).

• Marry a worthy returned missionary in the temple.
• Graduate from college.
• Become a mom.

The goal you hoped most to achieve was motherhood.  You had no idea when that would come to pass and marriage seemed like a fleeting fancy, something that happened to those who were beautiful and witty, characteristics you (falsely) believed you lacked.

Yet, here you are at 23.  You have achieved those goals.  You are a college graduate–the first in your immediate family. You have married an incredible man who is everything you hoped he would be and more.  You have two beautiful children that bring unsolicited smiles frequently.

Motherhood was harder than you expected.  With school, you knew what was needed to receive that “A.”  With parenting, there is no syllabus with its accompanying assignment sheet.  You can’t check Blackboard for your grades.  There is no professor to explain difficult concepts.  So, the next time you envision that imaginary audience who groans and shakes their heads at your mistakes, remember that there is no imaginary audience.  When you make a mistake, it is okay.  Grow from your mistakes, don’t dwell on them.  When you do have a question, ask your friends.  You are surrounded by experienced parents who would not think you are a failure for asking.

Please forsake those insecurities that tie you down.  You are not the awkward teenager who once lived in her older sister’s shadow.  You are beautiful, vivacious, and benevolent.  You have a husband who would slay dragons for you.  You have a daughter and son who instantly forgive your shortcomings.  You have accomplished all the goals you once set for yourself.

People do not look down on you because of your choice to become a stay-at-home mom.  Stop using your education as a snobby reminder that you could have done more with your life.  This is your dream!  Even if someone thinks less of you, it is your choice to believe it or ignore it.   Instead of “if onlys” become the best mom you can possibly be.

Replace your doubt with trust.  You know what is best for you and your family.

Above all, trust your husband.  Trust your friends.  Trust your parents.  Trust your Savior.  Embrace forgiveness–of others and of self.  Hold fast to the truth that has constantly guided you.

Love always,

Me